I Wish I Had Your Angel
by FireFalconDeux
Summary: Bella learns some things about Edward, and winds up in the arms of the one who'd once threatened her life. Songfic to 'I Wish I Had An Angel', rated M for language. Edward bashing, James/Bella. Review please! See also Twilight: Redux, an expanded version.


_A/N: This fic was one of the first I'd written about Twilight, and one of the first I wrote when coming back from my e-mail account being hacked. There is a lot of anger, and a lot of Edward bashing, so if you don't like... don't read. I don't take credit for Twilight or for the song (I Wish I Had An Angel, by Nightwish). Only for the story itself. Please review, and enjoy._

* * *

I was in trouble, of this much I was sure.

The trap had been a clever one, I had to give the guy that much. Laurent hadn't been kidding when he'd said that James was intelligent-- I'd been utterly fooled into thinking that my mother was in danger. It didn't anger me that I'd been tricked; she would have been in harm's way sooner or later, were I to survive. It was better this way.

James circled me, assessing the right angle at which to begin the last stage of his game. Everything in me told me to run, to try and escape the pain that was coming, yet I found myself simply following the vampire with my eyes, some other part of me unable or unwilling to budge. Maybe, just maybe, if I stood my ground…

…A hopeless thought, that this hunter would lose interest. I wasn't the intended prey to begin with, I knew now; he only wanted to tear me to shreds in order to break Edward. It had finally occurred to me that I was inconsequential at this point.

It was a surprising emotion that rose in me when I pondered that fact. It was an emotion I didn't want to feel in my last moments on Earth, especially not towards ones I loved. I shoved the anger away.

Closing my eyes, I waited for Death; he was only feet away. I only prayed that it was over quick enough. Edward wasn't going to save me. Even if he made it in time to keep me alive, by some miracle, I knew that life as I knew it was over for me. I'd betrayed Alice and Jasper's trust… My friends and family would always be in danger, and if James won…

… Edward. Edward's life would be ruined. Would he ever forgive me for putting him and his own family on the line? After all, this was my fault… wasn't it? I had fallen in love with him, and if I hadn't been so stupid…

I suddenly became aware of the utter silence.

Slowly, I opened my eyes; blinking away the tears, I realized two things. One, I was in one piece. For some reason, I was still alive… And two, James was no longer in front of me. I froze in that moment; I could feel the ghost of a breath against the back of my neck, could sense a presence just behind me, and it was then that true terror settled in my heart.

Looking into the mirror before me, feet away, I could see the blond over my shoulder. He slowly brushed my hair to one side, watching my expression in the same mirror and flashing me a content smile as I began to shiver at his cold touch.

_**I wish I had an angel**_

"Do you only run away when someone forces you?" he asked, a hint of curiosity just barely gracing his otherwise amused expression.

My mouth went dry as I tried to force myself to speak. "My father told me when I was seven that if you run from a dog, it'll chase you," I finally replied. Words suddenly began to tumble out of my mouth, my mind hysterically trying to stall for time. "There was this dog, and it looked so big to me. Everyone laughed for getting chased by a poodle, and then I fell and…" I trailed off, tears welling up in my eyes as I realized I would never see my family again.

He purred. "And?"

_**For one moment of love**_

"And…" I stopped, the tears flowing freely down my face. Oh gods, I was going to die, and it had suddenly hit me that I'd never gotten to say goodbye, never been able to apologize to Charlie, never done so many things. I clenched my teeth, trying to steel my nerves under the threat of sheer panic. "And I want to know that… you won't hurt them."

"You have the strangest priorities. But no, I told you already… my quarrel is not with your family."

"Edward is my family, too."

"No, he isn't." There was a moment of silence before James spoke again. "How can you possibly love and trust him so much, to die for him?"

I turned my head slightly, enough for my gaze to meet that of my captor. "You wouldn't understand."

"That's a bold assumption."

"What?" I felt fear erode into frustration. "You think you know Edward? I'd do anything for him. You're not human, how could you possibly know what I--"

In the span of exactly half a second, I found myself turned and pinned up against the mirror, face to face with my enemy. "Don't think," he crooned, digging his fingernails into my shoulders, "that _you_ know _me_, my dear."

I tightened my hands into fists. "What the hell does it matter to you, anyway? I'm just your toy!"

_**I wish I had your angel tonight...**_

His ivory teeth glinted in the dim lighting as he smiled. "Not exactly." He moved his hands up my shoulders, cupping my face and forcing me to look directly into his eyes. "You see, I know plenty about your Edward and his family. Do you really think my coven just wandered into your little village by sheer accident? Hardly."

"What are you saying?"

"I'm saying that t plan was set into motion long before you were even born."

"But… he said it was my fault. That my blood…"

James shifted one hand to my hair, twining a lock around his finger and gently pulling so that my head was forced to the side, exposing my neck. "Delicious as you may be, I've been hunting a certain Cullen for more years than most of your own family has existed," he said, leaning in and taking a slow, deep breath. "It was my sheer luck that you, the perfect way to trap him, were there."

_**Deep into a dying day**_

"So, I'm bait… just kill me and get it over with."

The vampire smiled, revealing very white, very sharp teeth. "Toy, bait… My dear, your little monster of a boyfriend has ruined your self-esteem. Bella, you are much more than a plaything… you are an instrument of my revenge. It does no good for a hunter to break his tools."

Suddenly, I realized there just might be fates worse than death. The shivering came back; I didn't know if it had ever gone away. Being held in the man's iron grip and so close to those fangs seemed to highlight that were he not holding onto me, I'd be on the floor. My mind buzzed with one thought after another-- which of the Cullens had he been hunting? Edward? But why, what… had they done? They were good people!

… Weren't they?

Of course they were. _This_ vampire was the _monster_. Edward had always been good and kind to me… well, except that one time… And when we'd met. And when…

Damned it, I thought darkly, now was not the time to start doubting...!

But…

I stopped trembling, something tugging at the edge of my brain. What it was, I didn't know, only that something wasn't right. I returned my eyes to James, speaking words that were at once filled with hope… and dread.

_**I took a step outside an innocent heart**_

"You're not going to kill me?"

"Smart girl. If you're a good little hostage, and do as I say, then perhaps we can strike a deal that will leave us both… satisfied with the turn of events."

A deal with the devil, then. It had to be better than the alternative. "How do I know you're not tricking me again?"

James leaned in closer, and I couldn't help but whimper as his teeth ever so slightly brushed against my throat. "If I was," he purred into my ear, "then you'd be dead already."

Closing my eyes, I bit my lip and tried to think. If I did what he said… maybe it would buy Edward time. "And the others…? Alice, Jasper…"

"I don't make promises."

I opened my eyes again, glancing upwards towards the studio's windows, stuck up high between the tops of the walls and the ceiling. Only the sky was visible, slices of dark pink and orange… it was sunset. Part of my heart told me to end it now, to fight back and let myself die; life wouldn't be worth it without Edward.

…At least, that's what I'd always told myself.

_**Prepare to hate me, fall when I may**_

The sunset was beautiful. I wanted to see it again, I wanted to stand free in the cooling air and watch the moon rise… I wanted to live. If I refused James' offer, if I fought him, I would be killed. If I accepted, assuming he was telling the truth…

Edward hadn't told me anything about his past. Hell, he never told me much about his present, either. I was utterly in the dark, and although I wanted to dismiss what James had to say… something about it made me stop and think. To my surprise, and perhaps to my horror, it didn't seem that far-fetched; it was a disturbing realization.

"Tell me what to do," I replied through clenched teeth. How could I be so selfish? "I'll do it."

James let go of my hair, lightly running his fingers through it. "Excellent… Tell me, are you good with blood?"

I gulped. "Uh… no?"

"Pity."

_**This night will hurt you like never before…**_

Before I could blink, I found myself rolling across the ground, feet away from where I'd stood. I landed on my hands and knees, the skin on my palms burning from the friction against the wood floor. Panic set in, and I scrambled up to try and run; had he decided to kill me after all?

Hands came from nowhere, redirecting me into one of the wooden posts. I yelped, hitting it and falling flat on I disagree. "What the HELL?"

"You see, your little friends go off of people's thoughts, feelings and intentions. I want a chase, love, and I'm not going to get it by sitting here all night. I want him here. Soon. And since he is so very intent on having you all to himself, he's going to have all his sense focused on you," he said, kneeling beside me. "I want you bleeding. I want you screaming."

_**Old loves, they die hard**_

So, he wanted a fight after all.

Taking a few breaths, my eyes swept the room. There wasn't going to be any easy way about this… I was going to get hurt, and the idea scared me. I'd seen what vampires could do if they got carried away. Hadn't Alice herself said something about vampires being like sharks…?

Without thinking, I took off towards the door. I almost made it, and for a moment I almost wondered if he would allow me to get through. No such luck-- a chair came flying out of nowhere, missing my head by inches and bouncing off the door in pieces. I tripped over the damn thing, but I managed to grab half of it on the way down and I threw it with all my power in the direction it came from.

To my surprise, I heard a loud crack, and what was left of what I had thrown bounced off an invisible something, smashing a nearby mirror. I covered my eyes, and when I got the courage to peek, I looked up to see James standing over me. There was a bemused expression on his face; he wiped a thin trickle of blood from above his eye, looking nothing short of amazed.

"You actually hit me."

As anyone who knew me would imagine, I was equally surprised. "I thought that was impossible."

_**Old lies, they die harder…**_

In one motion, he'd reached down, grabbed me by the neck and slammed me into the wall. "Just not as easily as you, darling," he said with a purr. "I think it's time for a demonstration."

Whimpering, I tried to fight his hold; bits of the broken mirror that still clung to the wall dug into my back. I struggled harder when he delicately plucked one of the shards from the wall, kicking and trying to claw at his arms.

"Vampires, unlike what some people think," James said calmly, toying with the bit of glass, "are not invincible. We can be wounded, though it usually takes something an equal or greater strength than our own to do so. Sever enough body parts and of course we'll die. Normal bullets can be an annoyance, but rarely kill."

"And flying chairs?" I breathed, my nails loosening their grip on James' arm as my hope for getting out of this position unscathed faded.

"Most vampires try not to run into things. The blow normally wouldn't do a thing…" he paused, slowly and gently moving the bit of glass just below the hollow of my throat. "But if we're too careless, and expending a certain amount of force at such a high speed, well…"

I screamed as he made a quick movement, the glass biting down into my skin. The smell of my blood filled my senses, a sickening coppery smell; the familiar dizziness washed over me as my phobia began to kick in. I took a step forward, moving my arms around the vampire's neck; there was more glass below, and like hell I was going to fall on it. My stomach churned as a vision of hundreds of bleeding gashes danced in my head.

_**I wish I had an angel  
For one moment of love  
I wish I had your angel  
Your Virgin Mary undone…**_

"Trust me."

As if I had a choice.

My back arched as his tongue touched my skin; that was not what I had expected. He licked the blood from my collarbone, moving to the wound itself. His hands moved from my nape and slid behind my shoulder and waist, pulling me closer; lips closing around the cut, he began to feed on the small pool of blood that had likely welled up under my flesh. I closed my eyes, praying that Alice had been wrong. If the drive for blood was as strong in all vampires as she suspected…

_**Im in love with my lust**_

A shiver of pleasure went up my spine as James moved from the base of my neck, slowly working his way along the side of my throat with tiny nips that could at any time be the final, deadly bite. I wanted to pull away, I wanted to run and never look back… but as the vampire lightly nuzzled my jawline, I felt my guard slipping, and the hot coil that rose in my abdomen betrayed all arguments against such actions I had in my head.

It bit my lip so hard that it, too, began to bleed. "He'll know…"

"You don't need him…" James breathed, lips caressing the edge of my ear before he moved to my mouth. The kiss was surprisingly gentle, and for a moment…

_**Burning angel wings to dust**_

Tears of shame stung my eyes as I turned my head away. "Don't," I whispered. To my relief, he stopped, though I could feel his body tense. "I don't want this. I _can't_ want this."

"I'm starting to think you're a better actor than you seem, then," he murmured, brushing a lock of hair from my face. "Because that was not the scent of someone who _didn't_ want."

_**I wish I had your angel tonight…**_

My heart was beating too fast, and I hated it. I pushed him away from me; to my surprise, he actually moved out of the way, letting me go without protest. I didn't look at his face, not wanting him to see my expression, and I walked away from the wall into the shadows of the studio. After a minute I paused, running a hand through my hair before switching directions; I was pacing mindlessly.

_**I'm going down so frail and cruel**_

"Where do you think you're going?"

"Screw you," I replied tersely, wandering back and forth until my breathing had slowed and my pulse had calmed. I stopped, resting my forehead against one of the metal lockers near the front door. "Just shut up for a minute."

Silence fell over the room. I closed my eyes; I felt like I should have been tired, but instead, I felt restless. There were too many thoughts running through my head and too much adrenaline in my system. Why had he done that? Because it was amusing. Because he was hungry. Because he actually…

"You think too much."

I kept my eyes shut as James approached, wanting to block him out and pretend he wasn't there. "You talk too much."

"It was an honest question, you know."

"Go away."

"That's not going to happen." He leaned on the locker next to me. "You must know that after tonight, things are going to change. Things are _already_ changing. Where do you think this is all going to end?"

_**Drunken disguise changes all the rules…**_

"It doesn't matter what I think. If it did, I wouldn't even be here. You're getting what you want, so blow your smoke up your own ass."

"Well, that's interesting. _Now_ you're angry."

"I'm n…" I paused. Sighing, I rubbed my eyes and glanced over at him. "Look, I've been living in this little happy world that I was sure was real. I was finally starting to feel like things were right, and you… _this_ happens. You expect me to just be glad about that, after everything I've been told about you? After everything that's happened? I wish I could just forget everything, I wish that I could just accept all this, but I can't."

James didn't reply at first, letting out a long sigh. "I was there when New Orleans was founded," he finally said. "I helped build some of the houses myself, and my sister worked as a seamstress. Yellow Fever hit really bad that year… It was about 1720, so there were few things anyone could really do. This doctor came into town, though… My sister was dying, I was dying. I don't know why, but he decided to turn us into vampires. His name was Carlisle."

_**Old loves, they die hard**_

I didn't speak. Instead, I turned my face towards him, letting him know I was listening. Our eyes met for a moment, but he looked away, taking a sudden interest in the ceiling.

"When we began feeding on humans, he tried to stop us… That didn't work out so well. I enjoyed hunting when I was a human, and enjoyed it when I was a vampire; that was the gift I'd brought over from my human life. All that changed was the chosen prey. Eventually, Carlisle left. For a long time, we just traveled around, but eventually we caught his scent and decided to pay a visit for old time's sake. He was in Chicago… with someone he called his son.

"My sister went hunting one night. Apparently, Carlisle and the brat had gotten into a tiff. Edward wanted to leave, and on his way out of Chicago…" he paused, then shook his head and looked away. "Somehow my sister got involved with him, and by the time everything was said and done, he'd killed her."

My mouth opened, then shut again. "He… murdered your sister?"

_**Old lies, they die harder…**_

"He wasn't exactly the picture of morality back then, like he pretends to be now," James turned his gaze back on me, reaching up and tilting my chin up. "That's why I sought him out. That's why I want revenge, and that's why I needed you. Why I still need you. You're his obsession, you're the fire I can turn against him."

My eyes closed as he leaned in, lips touching mine for the second time that night. He pulled back slightly, his thumb caressing my cheek; I leaned into his touch. His other hand wrapped around my hip, and as his cool finger slid up to brush against bare skin, I returned his kiss.

_**I wish I had an angel  
For one moment of love  
I wish I had your angel  
Your Virgin Mary undone…**_

The feelings of shame had not left me… they simply ceased to control me. A dark, seductive poison had infiltrated my thoughts, choking back anything else. I gave myself over to the delirium, pressing closer; our hips touched and a light growl rumbled through his chest. The kiss deepened, and for the first time, I knew what it was like to hold someone close, to be enfolded and entwined with another soul without being pushed away, without being blamed or rejected.

It was intoxicating, and I wanted more.

"Entertained enough, yet?"

_**Im in love with my lust**_

James tilted his head, an odd look crossing his face. He went to speak but suddenly, his gaze shifted up and over my shoulder, a snarl rising in his throat that was far from playful. I turned, my eyes locking with two familiar, narrowed hues across the room.

"Edward," I whispered, trying to fight the feelings of embarrassment as it crept across my face in the form of a blush. "I…"

"What the hell is going on?" the younger vampire growled, his golden eyes not the friendly, warm ones I had known. He was looking directly at me, and I knew he saw everything-- my mussed hair, clothing not quite right and breathing all too rapid.

I glanced over my shoulder; James was gone. It was all on me now. "I don't know what you saw, or thought you saw, but this isn't the time to argue. We need to find--"

_**Burning angel wings to dust**_

"He can wait. I want an explanation for what I walked in on."

"Listen, I--"

He cut me off again. "Listen? I don't NEED to listen, I saw it all. Front row seats and everything!"

"Edward, for god's sake, he was going to kill me. You're acting like I wanted all of this or something."

Teeth bared, he moved closer to me. "I didn't see you refusing him, either."

_**I wish I had your angel tonight…**_

_Because I didn't._ But I couldn't say that. I wouldn't.

I threw my hands into the air. "What do you want me to say? Okay, fine! He planned it. I'm so UNBELIEVABLY desirable that he wanted to rip my clothes off the minute he saw me, and that's what this is all really about. And hell, I was so taken in by his ultra-leet technological skills, why I couldn't keep my hands OFF him. It had NOTHING to do with the fact that he hates you, and that I was conveniently glued to your hip at the time!"

Something changed in his expression, and I stopped, lowering my hands and staring at him in disbelief. Suddenly, I remembered that he could read people's minds… that he knew their thoughts. Had it actually been possible that James had wanted me for himself, even if only to hurt Edward?

_**Greatest thrill  
Not to kill**_

Or…

"You don't think I'm serious, do you?" I asked, astounded. "What's wrong with you?"

"I was about to ask you the same question."

"Me? I didn't want to die, Edward! I didn't think you were going to make it in time, so I made a deal, that's it!"

"What the hell kind of deal was that? Because from what I saw, you were going to make a LOT more than just a 'deal' with that son of a bitch!"

I was already out of tears; all I had left was anger, and this time, it came when I summoned it. "Maybe that WAS the deal."

_**But to have the prize of the night…**_

"You're joking," he said flatly as he stopped just feet away. I didn't reply; Edward's eyes went dark as he read my expression and came to his own conclusions. "You're can't be serious… Bella, why the hell would you do that? How could you?"

"Why am I the bad guy here? I thought he had my mother, for shit's sake. By the time I got here I didn't know what was going on, and he told me things…"

"Fuck, Bella, did you ever think he was lying?"

The calm in my voice surprised even me. "Is he?"

"What the hell does it matter? How could you do this to me? After everything I've done for you?" Edward yelled, grabbing me by my shoulders. "I've always just to tried to protect you, to love you!"

"What does it matter? Edward, he accused you of murder!"

"Is your last name Stockholm?" he snapped, his fingers digging into my skin. "He's our enemy, and now you're sympathizing with him all of a sudden?"

I tried to shove him away from me, but it was like trying to move a mountain. "Damn it, get OFF me!"

"Not until you tell me what you've done, you fool!"

_**Hypocrite**_

… Fool?

One of my hands came free, and instinctively I lashed out, clawing at his eyes.

Edward released my other arm, his hand to his face; he didn't make an attempt to grab me again as I backed away, staring at me as if I had shot him. "How could you be so stupid?"

"You know what, that's a good question!" I seethed. "How COULD I be stupid enough to do ANYTHING for you? I was willing to give up EVERYTHING to save you! Everything I've done has been for YOU!"

"For me? What was I supposed to think, Bella? You were practically screwing the guy!"

_**Wannabe friend**_

"You know, I wasn't going to," I snarled, turning on my heel and walking away. "But now that you mention it, it sounds like a MUCH better idea than wasting another SECOND on YOUR obnoxious ass."

I headed towards the shadows of the room, seeing movement there and intent on never looking back. But suddenly, an enraged snarl erupted from behind; Edward, snatched my leg out from under me, and stars filled my vision as heard the bone snap.

_**13th disciple who betrayed me for nothing…**_

I hit the floor, but before I could even cry out, a pale flash lunged over my body and hit Edward in the chest, knocking him through the studio's wall. I brought my arms up to shield my face as the wall seemed to explode, wood splinters, metal and glass going every which way; the tears were flowing freely now, and I just wanted everything to be over.

_**Last dance, first kiss  
Your touch, my bliss**_

How did it come to this? It was only yesterday, we were so in love. And yet… The man who would have been my killer was my defender against the one who supposedly had cherished me. I wanted this to be a dream; I wanted to wake up and be back to my normal life… But I knew now that it would never be normal again. Everything I thought I knew was shattered.

_You must know that after tonight, things are going to change. So, where are you going?_

James' words came back to me, and as pain finally overpowered the wall of adrenaline, I realized miserably all the times Edward had shown his true colors.

_Do you have multiple personalities_, I'd asked him once. All the inner warnings, all the people who'd tried to wake me up, all the clues Edward himself had given me through his speech and behavior… All those times he'd lied, been cruel or controlling, I overlooked or saw as love.

_**Beauty always comes with dark thoughts…**_

Damn it.

I lifted my head enough that I could see them fighting, a horrifying display of tooth and claw, like a pair of tomcats in some trashed ally downtown. Finally, they broke apart, and James crouched down in front of me, ready to strike again. I had been so sure that he was going to kill me, and now I was praying that he was as strong as Edward was fast… the thought of being alone with Edward was no longer comforting.

A blast of heat raced up my back, and the crackle of electricity echoed in the room. I could smell smoke and burning wires, all too close. I looked towards yet another mirror, and all I saw to the side of me was a line of fire that was growing larger by the moment, eating up the old, dry wood of the studio floor. I wanted to crawl away, wanted to move, but I didn't have any strength left. I was utterly at the mercy of two evils, and I could only hope that the lesser one wouldn't let me burn to death.

"Are you conscious, Bella?" James asked quietly.

"Y-yes."

Edward's voice was like acid. "Give her to me, James."

"Good. Then make your choice."

_**I wish I had an angel  
For one moment of love  
I wish I had your angel  
Your Virgin Mary undone…**_

"There's no choice in this. I won't let you have her, tracker. She belongs to me."

James let out a hiss. "You might be able to fool the others, but you don't fool me in the least. If you think I'm going to let her go, you're more insane than I suspect."

"Don't act like you even remotely care about her," Edward sneered. "You don't give a damn about her beyond your own perverted uses."

"And you do?"

_**I'm in love with my lust**_

The only sound for the longest, most terrible time was the crackle of the growing flames. I almost wished for a reply, any reply, even if it was a lie. Something to tell me that the love had been real, that I hadn't been just an object of amusement or the fixation of some bizarre obsession.

There was no answer.

"As I thought. I don't know what Carlisle ever saw in you."

_**Burning angel-wings to dust**_

"I remember every single one before her," James spoke again, closer. Suddenly, he was through the fire and at my side, picking me up from the ground. "And I will thoroughly enjoy killing you."

Edward laughed, somewhere beyond the smoke and inferno; a sound I had once cherished I now found terrifying. "This is all about revenge, isn't it? Brainwash her, then kill her just to spite me?"

I'd heard enough. "I don't belong to anyone."

Edward turned his attention towards me. "Bella, you know we're--"

It was my turn to interrupt. "Go home, Edward."

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?"

"It means this game is over," James held me closer, and I found myself cowering into the embrace as thing started to get fuzzy from pain and smoke. "And you, child, have lost."

_**I wish I had your angel tonight...**_

The last thing I saw as I slipped into unconsciousness was Edward, for the briefest moment before James took me into the cold, unforgiving Arizona night. His golden eyes reflected the wall of fire between us, and the sheer hatred in his gaze held a single promise…

…The game was far from over.


End file.
